Shake it like a creationist

[pictured here, post boob job]

Quite recently, the winner of the 2009 Miss California (US) pageant, Carrie Prejean, has been in the superficial news reports due to her hypocrisy.
point 1
She's stated that she's a Christian and that she thinks gay marriage, a political issue in Cali, is morally wrong.
point 2
Before becoming an object of immoral male lust as a pageant contestant Miss Cali was an object of Biblical-style immoral male lust because of having posed in an underwear calendar, and elsewhere, showing off her fit, apple-shaped lightly tanned but....where was I going with this?

Anyway, she's a moral Christian parading

in her underpants

wagging her hiney and mammaries like a simian.

Though, I must say her breast enlargement [another sin-vanity] is top-notch. The 'before' pics, not so good:

above: from tmz.com
[pre-boob job]
I don't know if said immoral young woman, or "tamayta" as they're called out on the Prairies, is a Creationist also, but something tells me that:

Christian+US+hateful talk+moralising+hypocrisy

= one twisted Creationist

So, in her honour, and to encapsulate the themes of this day, I have here the song of a band of proto-punks, who typically dress as women, singing about creationists behaving like monkeys:

I give you: THE NEW YORK DOLLS

Above: from Rolling Stone magazine

IT'S Dance Like a Monkey by the New York Dolls

the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRhqh6ZXokc&feature=player_embedded

THE SONG:

Songwriters: Johansen, David; Mizrahi, Sylvain; Delaney, Brian D.; Takamaki, Sami Lauri; Conte, Steven J.; Koonin, Brian;

wooooooo wooooooo

You're designed so intelligent.

Ain't no way that was an accident.

C'mon shake your monkey hips

My pretty little creationist

Oh yeah!

Ain't gonna anthropomorphise you

Or perversely polymorphisise you

- yeah Little girl you look so sweet

You gotta dance like a monkey,

dance like a monkey, child

You just started ten thousand years ago

Presto Adam and Eve and go man go

Abel died, Cain took his life

And headed straight to the jungle to find a wife - wow!

Non-believers blame it all on apes

It's monkey time - I want to see you shake

Evolution is obsolete

You gotta dance like a monkey,

dance like a monkey, child

Stomp your hands and clap your feet

You gotta dance like a monkey,

dance like a monkey, child

Oh one more time yo! It's monkey time!!

[guitar noodling solo]

C'mon pretty baby, won't you take a chance?

Be my natural selection, dance dance dance

Exorcise your demons with that monkey grin'

Cause we're gonna inherit the wind

Let 'em fight it out in the supreme court

That's such a ignorant indoor sport

Wave your arms and legs in the air

Rock it like a monkey like ya just don't care

Evolution is so obsolete

Gotta stomp your hands and clap your feet - come on!

© WARNER-TAMERLANE PUBLISHING CORP; GLAVEMAN PUBLISHING; THUNDER DOG MUSIC; SUBWAY RHYTHM PUBLISHING MUSIC; WB MUSIC CORP.; UNFORGIVABLE HIPNESS; ACOUSTIC VOODOO MUSIC; EGGPLANT MUSIC;

-Cos67 8^P

the all-new 2009 GM Whatchamacallit

The main problem with the US manufacturers, particularly of cars, is not the banking crisis or the mass unemployment it has caused. (Do you see the American Japanese-car factories suffering?)


It’s the fact that their new products are designed by committee (i.e. ugly) and devoid of many commonplace advances in manufacturing and ergonomics (i.e. cheaply-made, but not cheap, pieces of crap). Also their marketing is sclerotic. For each new GM model, there are 10 different guises/camouflages.

Order yours now.
The new

Chevy

Buick

Oldsmobile

Cadillac

Saturn

Opel

Vauxhall

GMC

DMZ

NWA

Sh*tbox

four-door or hatchback

Choose your label.

Choose your own trim level and tail lights.

Environmentally-friendly! (relative to tanks)

bio-degrades as you drive!

easily recyclable

short product life.

[Imagine the tail-light factories that will have to shut if GM goes down.]

Actually, their biggest problem, in the US, is the fact that the socialist-made Canadian GM cars are cheaper, because our socialised healthcare expenses cost much less than the US's private insurers' get-rich-quick schemes of accepting ridiculously-expensive dues and not paying out for cancer, for example. How else can US insurers afford to bribe Congress to turn a blind eye? I ask you.

-Cos67 ¬(%^D>

pics fotosearch.com (free)

Sculpture; the Playboy of Pre-history

The mystery of the development of artistic nude sculpture has been further revealed recently. A small ivory carving of a female was found in Germany, dating back 35000 years. This makes it the oldest depiction of T&A ever found.

Anthropologically, this story has two important sides. Firstly, the sculpture was made during a time when Homo Sapiens were taking over from Neanderthals in Europe. Secondly, it says a lot about what sex meant for those early Sapien Homos. It is now the first depiction of a human, which shows that, once again, the sex industry has always been a leader in all technological advances, especially VHS. The Sh*tting Thinker, indicative of the haemerhoids caused by thinking too much, came much later.

Sometimes, I just sits and sometimes, I sits and thinks

I think it's safe to say that young ladies at that time were probably playing 'hard to get', thereby causing frustration to young males, leading to vuluptuous sculptures. It also likely means that Neanderthals were getting more bed action than their frustrated Sapien neighbours. So, the extinction of the Neanderthals was sped up by sexual jealousy. Plus, even though Neanderthal gals may have been easy, their hairy backs and protruding teeth would have made the rather untouchable to the more refined Sapiens. It wouldn't stop jealousy and baiting, though. "Ha, ha, I'm getting laid, and you're not, ya weenie. Ha ha." Always been a deathwish to do that!

-Cos67 8^P

Here's the whole wanking story, from AP
[my comments- Cos67]

By Steve Connor, Science Editor, AP

Thursday, 14 May 2009
The Venus figurine found in a German cave, features grossly protruding breasts, belly and thighs
[Sculpture was like Playboy for Paleolithic teenagers. They couldn't read anyway; not that anobody reads Playboy's texts either. Sculpture kept their hairy palms busy, as well. In my town, we always said that if you had the dexterity and patience to peal a beer label of a bottle, then you were a virgin. What of sculpture, then?]

With its grotesquely exaggerated features, this could easily be the work of one of the 20th century's great figurative artists. But this voluptuous Venus was carved out of a mammoth's tusk more than 35,000 years ago.

The two-and-a-half-inch statuette was found buried 10 feet below the floor of the Hohle Fels Cave in the Schwabian region of south-west Germany, where archaeologists have already discovered a gallery of early art objects dating to the same period of the Stone Age. Carbon dating has shown that the female figurine predates other similar Venus carvings by about 5,000 years.

"This figurine was produced at least 35,000 calendar years ago, making it one of the oldest known examples of figurative art," said Nicholas Conard of the University of Tubingen, who describes the statuette in Nature. He added that it "radically changes our views of the context and meaning of the earliest Palaeolithic art".

The oldest known works of art are abstract engravings – geometric designs in red iron oxide – found at a cave site in southern Africa and dated to about 75,000 years ago. Figurative cave paintings in southern France of Stone Age animals such as bison, horses, deer and rhinos, have been dated to about 37,000 years ago.

But the Venus figurine unearthed from the cave in Germany is the oldest known statuette depicting the human form. As the earliest example of three-dimensional figurative art, it could represent the birth of true sculpture in the global artistic tradition, according to scientists who have studied the piece.

The carving was made from a solid piece of mammoth ivory and depicts a naked woman with grossly protruding breasts [See? Modern men aren't sexist pigs. We're genetically predisposed to loving big ta-tas.], swollen thighs and belly, and a greatly enlarged and explicit vulva [hello?]. A disproportionately small head was probably used to hang the figurine [that's all they're good for, I assure you.], according to Paul Mellars, of Stony Brook University in New York.

"The figure is explicitly – and blatantly – that of a woman, with exaggerated sexual characteristics... [that's what I'm talking about!] that by 21st-century standards could be seen as bordering on the pornographic," said Dr Mellars. "As if to emphasise the sexual characteristics [d-uuh!], the figure's arms and legs are severely reduced to the form of a carefully carved ring, evidently to allow the figure to be suspended from a string or thong."
[as if we don’t know about ‘inflated breasts’, right Jordan, Pam Anderson?]
Similar Venus figurines with exaggerated sexual features and diminutive arms and legs have been found at a range of Stone Age archaeological sites stretching from the Pyrenees to southern Russia. These examples of early figurative art have been linked with the so-called Gravettian toolmaking culture dating to 25,000-29,000 years ago.

The latest Venus figurine is also adorned with enigmatic and possibly symbolic markings in the form of repeatedly incised lines that might conceivably represent the depiction of clothing [clothing! the bane of all existence], according to Dr Mellars. Other Venus figurines from the later period also show criss-cross designs or patterns etched on to their surfaces.

"The feature of the newly discovered figure that will undoubtedly command most attention is its explicitly, almost aggressively, sexual nature, focused on the sexual characteristics of the female form," said Dr Mellars.

Europe, 35,000 years ago, was in the process of being colonised by anatomically "modern" man, Homo sapiens, who had migrated from Africa via the Middle East. This species was gradually replacing Europe's Neanderthal man, a species that had inhabited the continent for thousands of years.
[Neanderthals were not proficient at carving or their women were easy, so there was no need for carvings to wank to.]
Four sites in southern Germany have produced a total of 25 mammoth-ivory carvings depicting a range of animals, from mammoths and horses to bison and cave bears. "The same sites have also yielded numerous small, carved ivory beads or pendants and the world's oldest unmistakable musical instruments [for seduction]," said Dr Mellars. "These take the form of perforated flutes manufactured from segments of bird wing bone."

The cave paintings of southern France may be older than the Venus figurine, "but the cornucopia of small, carved ivory statuettes from the south German sites must be seen as the birthplace of true sculpture in the European artistic tradition," [let's not get all Uffizi over this stuff.] added Dr Mellars .

---the end

Truth be told, ancient symbols of sex performed a more subtle role as a promotion of fertility (kind of like what advertising does today).

That's why I like Hindu gals. They worship the PHALLUS. Repeat: 'oh, phallus, hey, phallus.' Do the wave. Do the whatusi.

The Romans had nude sculptures too, but they also had public bollock symbols, public sex in the stadia, and gladiators, Christians and lions bleeding everywhere. Way more visceral. Just point me towards that party, man.]

-Cos67 8^P
pics, fotosearch.com

the truth shall set thee free...from war-mongering and -profiteering

YOU can do this, even if you're not religious at all.


Here's what you do:

Walk into a church,

or just hold your hands up, look to the sky, and ask:

"haven't Bush43 and Cheney sinned against humanity?

What are You gonna do about it?"

NOW, DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER?

I know that no court on this planet will convict them;

not the Hague, nor Geneva, nor Podunk.

So the best we can hope for is:

A parting boot to the head, from on High.

Now, let's hope for a better future.
What do you SAY?

-Cos67 8^P

you need proof on Bu, Chu and the ScruYuCru? see alternet.org

the truth shall set you free... from the spectre of zit-heads copulating

I have to say that, for once in life, the simple truth can be beneficial.
The audience here is teenagers and the topic is sex. If you've seen my bizarre faux-reality text from a few months ago, you know that sex ed has been doing nothing but promoting sex, either because teachers are afraid to talk frankly, or because the materials they're using are crap
I'm not against sex, but you have to have a brain as well and most teens don't. They don't worry about consequences especially when the act is about to happen.

Groin cancels brain every time.

So 'sex ed' has to take the mystery and glamour out of those three letters in the title. And if kids still wanna play hide-the-sausage, grown-up style, then so be it. At least they'll be less likely to have the stupid consequences, like the birth of another hoodie.

Channel four is putting on the Sex Education show all this week. Today's show was very good.
It showed the physical changes of pregnancy which were seriously grossifying. Message delivered.

The host of the show got made up like a porn star to see what reaction she'd get. Although she would have got more sex, she'd also have got a heap more abuse as well. In my opinion, to advertise yourself like a hooker only leads to one thing. I'm an old man, but sexual attraction is much more complex for real people. If the porn star isn't offering, nobody's paying any attention. Nobody wants to know her.

Actually, this one above's not so bad. The bird on the tv looked more like

Joan Collins;

faaeecchhh. Pooey.

That oughtta limit the number of 10 and 11 year-olds messing with the old paint-roller make-up routine.


Message delivered?

____


The class on the show got a lesson in condom-wearing etiquette. That should get them over their skittishness with that aid. Message sent. However, they didn't go into the details about the rubbers that pleasure the wearer as much as the owner of the receiving end, so to speak.

I especially like the re-usable ones. wash in cold water, then just drip dry.

The show talked about the emotional depth of some of the married famous couples that kids seem to idolise, like Beyonce and that ugly lad JayZ. They showed how they are emotionally linked and it's not just about looks or clothing, or money. It just looks like stars're all about looks and money, because artists are peddling their souls to make money and they've got gazzillions. Message delivered? If you want hot sex, join those folks. Even if it's bad, everybody will think you're in heaven.

The best part was the matter-of-fact chat with the young porn stud and his porn-ho girlfriend.
He's done a lot to earn his crust. Once, he corn-holed an old wrinkled hag, who hadn't done an enema and he got a rotten-old-charcoal-turd stuck to his rubber. OMFG. I'da puked!


He has to shave his block and tackle each time. Imagine nicking your pole with a razor. Owwwch!

The best one was the fact that, because he was slim, that he could pass for gay, even though he wasn't (ya, whatever). But, in order to bring home the bacon, he had to get into a discussion with a 'comely' lad, about who was going to be the man and who the woman. You give as you get. LOL.

His gal, or the I'm-happy-to-do-an-enema lady, was the butt of a ten-guy anal party. She showed her bravery by saying that it only put her "out of action for two days." No pornos for two days. I thought she was going to say incontinence, diapers and no solid FOOD for two days.


Since young kids check out porn off the web (just like everyone else), at least the aura of coolness will have disappear.

Feces, fags and french-tickling wrinkled hags.

Much cool-nessss. Not. Much rudeness.
I hope the result is that the zit-crew won't put so much pressure on each other and themselves about popping the cherry. Because, if you get to my age, sex isn't all that hot and it wasn't when I was young either. It was quick though. Well, some of it was semi-lukewarm... but we tell stories and they're mostly bullshit.

My sex ed was pretty funny, actually. We were separated from the girls for this and we just had a great time taking the piss out of the material. We saw the diseased peckers and stuff. But the funny slides were:

[Photo of man in raincoat]
voiceover: What is happening to THIS man?
We thought he was playing pocket pool, or that he was a pedophile hiding a kid in there. That gets big laughs when you're 13, especially since old buggers in those days wore a lot of baggy, sweaty polyester.
BZZT. WRONG. He was getting a surprise boner. (Probably from the pocket pool, I sez)

The next one:
[photo of guy under the covers]
voiceover: What is happening to THIS young man?

No tent was obvious in the covers and there was no porno mag and flashlight, so he wasn't wanking. So, we had no idea.
BZZT. WRONG. He was soiling his shorts during a wet dream [I suppose, all the while imagining he's boning Monicca Belucci or Giselle or some other fit specimen.]


Having that as a dream sequence would have made it funny, and we would have all nodded, "been there, done that, got the t-shirt." Uh-huh.

In the end though, all that educatin' didn't dissuade me from my escapades one bit. I never used a condom as a free man. never! And this was during the time when the free-loving hippies cursed us with deadly AIDS, just to piss us off even more. I used to joke that I have no kids.... that I know of. It's so surprising that nothing bad happened to me. Others aren't so lucky though.

Having lived in the UK on and off for 10 years, I find it easy to believe that sixty percent of British women use a dildo (as the show said).

When you look at the options they have (not to mention the options on the dildoes), you girls would probably do the same here. Most lads here are either drunk, gay, hooligans or otherwise seriously troubled. It also goes a long way to explaining why birds here are usually in such a fowl mood. They find guys to be completely superfluous. Dildoes are too perfect a replacement for a guy. No off-nights, but on the other hand, they do need more maintenance than the average guy (batteries and so on).

Actually, the kids watching the show looked somewhat bored about the whole thing. That's good. Unfortunately, some of the kids will be so grossed out by the gnarly display that they may never procreate or even do the humpy-pumpy, EVER! Well, if that's the price that's gotta be paid...

-Cos67 ( 8^P

checkitout: channel4.com
royalty-free photos from fotosearch.com

human race survives by cavorting with apes

What's the next disease that will kill millions of people? Will we be able to survive in our massive urban sprawls with no clean air without getting cancer? Actually, I think we will. Crosspolination is the key.
Humans are not headed for extinction if us guys are willing to put or willies into other species. Let science take care of the rest.

If ape hiney is good enough for Charleton Heston, it's good enough for me.
'you Jane, me Charleton. let's do it.'

-Cos67 8^P

is modern art a lecture in me-me-me?

This won't make modern art very different from the society it purports to be a part of.
Isn't art supposed to be part of the dialogic between the artist and the rest of society?
More later

Labour party changes name

We all know that UK's Labour party is about as interested in labour (workers) as they are in boils on the gluteus maximus. The following though, may surprise you. They are now:

Business Bailout Bank plc

Mortgaging your future, for the good of business.
you work for them. you work to pay our debt. then you die.
you'll get food and clothing, don't worry.

Don't worry, be happy. We've just given out massive loans that have tripled the government's debt.
Great!
In much the same way that you've never recognised how indebted the government is, a tripling of debt doesn't matter either.
We don't ever pay these things off.
Loans and bonds just enrich banks and other lender countries (as the poor old boys don't have derivatives anymore).
You won't feel a thing. You won't even know why the markets go up and down, but our creditors will.
We'll print money, so that the currency becomes devalued. You'll lose your your vacation homes and your trips and then your vacations. The environment thanks you already.
Then, at some point, when the Chinese can no longer fund us, the whole system will collapse.
People say 'don't go there', but we will.
All we need now is a smiling, unsullied young face to sell this deal, not that ragged old bag Crash Gordon. The name Cam-something is coming to me.

man created from woman

An old scroll was found in a cave on the north shore of Crete (St. Nick's), where even Dan Brown couldn't find it. It was an early proof copy of the Bible, circa 100AD.

In it was a version of Genesis which was different from the one we no longer learn in school. It questions the belief that true Christians hold dear; that Eve was created from Adam's rib. And it goes like this:

On the third day, God created woman in the image of something
that He would have liked to fondle,
were He human.
And so, He made Eve
with a body largely hairless and yet full of curves.
"Cursed are those who marry as they will become hairy indeed,"
God ordered.
And it was so.

Three of those curves belonged to the woman's three breasts.
After looking at her for a day, God thought that intelligent design
forced Him to get rid of one of those breasts,
on that fourth day,
as only two were necessary and manageable by Playtex.
God thought for another day about what to do
with that useless piece of human blubber.
Thus it was that, on the fifth day, man was created;
it was Adam and he said 'hiya' to Eve.
He admired Eden's nature and particularly her rosebud,

and whence it was that the big snake became apparent.

Whereupon Adam checked behind his fig leaf and said
"well, this oughta be useful."
Then, an invitation was profferred unto Eve:
"Come here, you!"
to which Eve obeyed
because she preferred that a man make the first move.
Thence they started their path out of Eden
and on to the highway to Hell (AC/DC).

Adapted wildly from "A Prairie Home Companion"- copyright
royalty-free pics from fotosearch.com,

Shell changes name to United Colours of Hydrocarbons

Jo Slik, the director of advertising for the newly-named company, held a news conference in London, its de facto headquarters (which has not affected its ability to avoid UK taxes through tax havens).
She parlayed a message from the company's president: "The new United (Colours of) Hydrocarbons had grown sick of hiding its rapacious behaviour behind the faux environmental image of a clean shell."
"We will use the old shell image for our renewables section and instead use the above image for our traditional polluting and raiding of the earth's plenty, e.g. oil. It's a shell spoiled by oil stains. In fact, it's swimming in crude oil. As are we. Thank you."
The pliant media had one question only, and wouldn't-you-know-it, it wasn't very critical: "I would have thought that in using 'colours' in your advertising name, that you could have used the refracting colours seen when a thin layer of oil is found on water, say... when people draw polluted water from a well, because their government refuses to use oil money to build proper water pipes, right?"
The answer was, "Very interesting. Would you like a job in our advertising department?" at which point the now-former journalist ran up on stage and fell prostrate at the rep's feet.

Image is so important in these days when advertising, media and government have melded into one great imperialist cash-grab. It was indeed the UK's former Chancellor/chancer G. Gordon (Liddy) Brown who noted that the war in Iraq was good for 'his' economy; it's the oil stupid! He said this years ago in front of a member of the media who was holding a video camera (!!) and yet it was quickly ignored, lest it wake the people from their stupor, caused by working 80-hour weeks to pay the bills.

Present at the UH conference was a critic, the shadow oil minister from an Iraqi Shia minority party, who quipped, "they could have added the deep deep red of dried Iraqi blood to the shell" The mask-wearing Niger-delta rebel representative added that his people's blood was also of a similar hue. He had in fact seen much of it being spilled by government soldiers at the behest of Shell,....uuuuh, I mean United Hydrocarbons.

[picture adapted from fotosearch.com]