Friday, 29 May 2009

Shake it like a creationist

[pictured here, post boob job]
Quite recently, the winner of the 2009 Miss California (US) pageant, Carrie Prejean, has been in the superficial news reports due to her hypocrisy.
point 1
She's stated that she's a Christian and that she thinks gay marriage, a political issue in Cali, is morally wrong.
point 2
Before becoming an object of immoral male lust as a pageant contestant Miss Cali was an object of Biblical-style immoral male lust because of having posed in an underwear calendar, and elsewhere, showing off her fit, apple-shaped lightly tanned but....where was I going with this?
Anyway, she's a moral Christian parading
in her underpants
wagging her hiney and mammaries like a simian.
Though, I must say her breast enlargement [another sin-vanity] is top-notch. The 'before' pics, not so good:
above: from
[pre-boob job]
I don't know if said immoral young woman, or "tamayta" as they're called out on the Prairies, is a Creationist also, but something tells me that:

Christian+US+hateful talk+moralising+hypocrisy
= one twisted Creationist

So, in her honour, and to encapsulate the themes of this day, I have here the song of a band of proto-punks, who typically dress as women, singing about creationists behaving like monkeys:


Above: from Rolling Stone magazine

IT'S Dance Like a Monkey by the New York Dolls

the video:

Songwriters: Johansen, David; Mizrahi, Sylvain; Delaney, Brian D.; Takamaki, Sami Lauri; Conte, Steven J.; Koonin, Brian;

wooooooo wooooooo

You're designed so intelligent.

Ain't no way that was an accident.

C'mon shake your monkey hips

My pretty little creationist

Oh yeah!

Ain't gonna anthropomorphise you

Or perversely polymorphisise you

- yeah Little girl you look so sweet

You gotta dance like a monkey,

dance like a monkey, child

You just started ten thousand years ago

Presto Adam and Eve and go man go

Abel died, Cain took his life

And headed straight to the jungle to find a wife - wow!

Non-believers blame it all on apes

It's monkey time - I want to see you shake

Evolution is obsolete

You gotta dance like a monkey,

dance like a monkey, child

Stomp your hands and clap your feet

You gotta dance like a monkey,

dance like a monkey, child

Oh one more time yo! It's monkey time!!

[guitar noodling solo]

C'mon pretty baby, won't you take a chance?

Be my natural selection, dance dance dance

Exorcise your demons with that monkey grin'

Cause we're gonna inherit the wind

Let 'em fight it out in the supreme court

That's such a ignorant indoor sport

Wave your arms and legs in the air

Rock it like a monkey like ya just don't care

Evolution is so obsolete

Gotta stomp your hands and clap your feet - come on!


-Cos67 8^P

Monday, 25 May 2009

the all-new 2009 GM Whatchamacallit

The main problem with the US manufacturers, particularly of cars, is not the banking crisis or the mass unemployment it has caused. (Do you see the American Japanese-car factories suffering?)

It’s the fact that their new products are designed by committee (i.e. ugly) and devoid of many commonplace advances in manufacturing and ergonomics (i.e. cheaply-made, but not cheap, pieces of crap). Also their marketing is sclerotic. For each new GM model, there are 10 different guises/camouflages.

Order yours now.
The new










four-door or hatchback

Choose your label.

Choose your own trim level and tail lights.

Environmentally-friendly! (relative to tanks)
bio-degrades as you drive!
easily recyclable
short product life.

[Imagine the tail-light factories that will have to shut if GM goes down.]
Actually, their biggest problem, in the US, is the fact that the socialist-made Canadian GM cars are cheaper, because our socialised healthcare expenses cost much less than the US's private insurers' get-rich-quick schemes of accepting ridiculously-expensive dues and not paying out for cancer, for example. How else can US insurers afford to bribe Congress to turn a blind eye? I ask you.

-Cos67 ¬(%^D>
pics (free)

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

Sculpture; the Playboy of Pre-history

The mystery of the development of artistic nude sculpture has been further revealed recently. A small ivory carving of a female was found in Germany, dating back 35000 years. This makes it the oldest depiction of T&A ever found.

Anthropologically, this story has two important sides. Firstly, the sculpture was made during a time when Homo Sapiens were taking over from Neanderthals in Europe. Secondly, it says a lot about what sex meant for those early Sapien Homos. It is now the first depiction of a human, which shows that, once again, the sex industry has always been a leader in all technological advances, especially VHS. The Sh*tting Thinker, indicative of the haemerhoids caused by thinking too much, came much later.
Sometimes, I just sits and sometimes, I sits and thinks

I think it's safe to say that young ladies at that time were probably playing 'hard to get', thereby causing frustration to young males, leading to vuluptuous sculptures. It also likely means that Neanderthals were getting more bed action than their frustrated Sapien neighbours. So, the extinction of the Neanderthals was sped up by sexual jealousy. Plus, even though Neanderthal gals may have been easy, their hairy backs and protruding teeth would have made the rather untouchable to the more refined Sapiens. It wouldn't stop jealousy and baiting, though. "Ha, ha, I'm getting laid, and you're not, ya weenie. Ha ha." Always been a deathwish to do that!

-Cos67 8^P

Here's the whole wanking story, from AP
[my comments- Cos67]

By Steve Connor, Science Editor, AP

Thursday, 14 May 2009
The Venus figurine found in a German cave, features grossly protruding breasts, belly and thighs
[Sculpture was like Playboy for Paleolithic teenagers. They couldn't read anyway; not that anobody reads Playboy's texts either. Sculpture kept their hairy palms busy, as well. In my town, we always said that if you had the dexterity and patience to peal a beer label of a bottle, then you were a virgin. What of sculpture, then?]

With its grotesquely exaggerated features, this could easily be the work of one of the 20th century's great figurative artists. But this voluptuous Venus was carved out of a mammoth's tusk more than 35,000 years ago.

The two-and-a-half-inch statuette was found buried 10 feet below the floor of the Hohle Fels Cave in the Schwabian region of south-west Germany, where archaeologists have already discovered a gallery of early art objects dating to the same period of the Stone Age. Carbon dating has shown that the female figurine predates other similar Venus carvings by about 5,000 years.

"This figurine was produced at least 35,000 calendar years ago, making it one of the oldest known examples of figurative art," said Nicholas Conard of the University of Tubingen, who describes the statuette in Nature. He added that it "radically changes our views of the context and meaning of the earliest Palaeolithic art".

The oldest known works of art are abstract engravings – geometric designs in red iron oxide – found at a cave site in southern Africa and dated to about 75,000 years ago. Figurative cave paintings in southern France of Stone Age animals such as bison, horses, deer and rhinos, have been dated to about 37,000 years ago.

But the Venus figurine unearthed from the cave in Germany is the oldest known statuette depicting the human form. As the earliest example of three-dimensional figurative art, it could represent the birth of true sculpture in the global artistic tradition, according to scientists who have studied the piece.

The carving was made from a solid piece of mammoth ivory and depicts a naked woman with grossly protruding breasts [See? Modern men aren't sexist pigs. We're genetically predisposed to loving big ta-tas.], swollen thighs and belly, and a greatly enlarged and explicit vulva [hello?]. A disproportionately small head was probably used to hang the figurine [that's all they're good for, I assure you.], according to Paul Mellars, of Stony Brook University in New York.

"The figure is explicitly – and blatantly – that of a woman, with exaggerated sexual characteristics... [that's what I'm talking about!] that by 21st-century standards could be seen as bordering on the pornographic," said Dr Mellars. "As if to emphasise the sexual characteristics [d-uuh!], the figure's arms and legs are severely reduced to the form of a carefully carved ring, evidently to allow the figure to be suspended from a string or thong."
[as if we don’t know about ‘inflated breasts’, right Jordan, Pam Anderson?]
Similar Venus figurines with exaggerated sexual features and diminutive arms and legs have been found at a range of Stone Age archaeological sites stretching from the Pyrenees to southern Russia. These examples of early figurative art have been linked with the so-called Gravettian toolmaking culture dating to 25,000-29,000 years ago.

The latest Venus figurine is also adorned with enigmatic and possibly symbolic markings in the form of repeatedly incised lines that might conceivably represent the depiction of clothing [clothing! the bane of all existence], according to Dr Mellars. Other Venus figurines from the later period also show criss-cross designs or patterns etched on to their surfaces.

"The feature of the newly discovered figure that will undoubtedly command most attention is its explicitly, almost aggressively, sexual nature, focused on the sexual characteristics of the female form," said Dr Mellars.

Europe, 35,000 years ago, was in the process of being colonised by anatomically "modern" man, Homo sapiens, who had migrated from Africa via the Middle East. This species was gradually replacing Europe's Neanderthal man, a species that had inhabited the continent for thousands of years.
[Neanderthals were not proficient at carving or their women were easy, so there was no need for carvings to wank to.]
Four sites in southern Germany have produced a total of 25 mammoth-ivory carvings depicting a range of animals, from mammoths and horses to bison and cave bears. "The same sites have also yielded numerous small, carved ivory beads or pendants and the world's oldest unmistakable musical instruments [for seduction]," said Dr Mellars. "These take the form of perforated flutes manufactured from segments of bird wing bone."

The cave paintings of southern France may be older than the Venus figurine, "but the cornucopia of small, carved ivory statuettes from the south German sites must be seen as the birthplace of true sculpture in the European artistic tradition," [let's not get all Uffizi over this stuff.] added Dr Mellars .

---the end

Truth be told, ancient symbols of sex performed a more subtle role as a promotion of fertility (kind of like what advertising does today).

That's why I like Hindu gals. They worship the PHALLUS. Repeat: 'oh, phallus, hey, phallus.' Do the wave. Do the whatusi.

The Romans had nude sculptures too, but they also had public bollock symbols, public sex in the stadia, and gladiators, Christians and lions bleeding everywhere. Way more visceral. Just point me towards that party, man.]

-Cos67 8^P