Thursday, 25 June 2009

How to stop wasting time and enjoy life

[under construction]
People don't have a sense of roots, family or belonging anymore,
so they get a feeling of belonging from
clambouring onto a bandwagon for some
stupid pulp fiction craze and/or
movie hype.

I gotta admit, I've employed the 'Berlins' technique for decades,
but never have quite put it into words so eloquent as the man himself:

Marcel Berlins (Guardian) published this text below on how to
avoid the hype in pop culture
and save years of your life,
because you're gonna be
bombarded by the stuff in the media anyway.
e.g. Does anybody not know
the basic facts on Harry Potter?
I've never openned one of those HP books,
I once met a gal who was a
foolish slave
to that bunch of pages
together, in SEVEN editions.
(As if the first million dollars sufficient for Rowling)

'nuff already!

just read this and get a life:
[Here is Berlins' story- copyright Guardian] [my comments- cos67]

Many years ago, following a painful attempt to reach page 40 of the Hobbit, I took a decision never to read the Lord of the Rings [drawing Flies], or anything about the book, its characters or its author. It didn't matter much then but my policy began to yield serious results when the three films of the book were made. Merely not going to see them only saved me a couple of days; but avoiding the surrounding publicity,of whatever kind and about whomever, has by now amounted to about 4 months (on the basis of a 35 hour week).

But it was not until the first Harry Potter novel was published- and six more were promised-that I realised how fruitful my strategy of total avoidance could be. Even before the first film I had saved two months by ignoring the books and all the accompanying Pottermania....

-Cos67 ~( %^D>

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

It's not the charity. It's the bling & designer rags.

[Grosz- Pillars of Society]

Here's a story about what "charity" and "community" mean to rich people.
You know how rich folks have been using shell companies in offshore tax havens, so that they don't pay taxes, right? Well, they're even worse when they do open their web-infested wallets.
You gotta tease the money out.

As Wanda Sykes said, when they give money, it's not the generosity that matters to rich folks, it's about the opportunity to dress up and look rich, and perhaps to be publicly announced as "mister rich guy". i.e. vanity.
When the ticket is a 5000 euro/dollar/pound donation, you know that you're in rich company. No need to say anything. Just smile for the cameras!

So, I've got an idea for how to get rich folks to pay some taxes.
Throw a televised
black-tie tax donation party!

They get to act up and feel important, and we get a sleezy pseudo-documentary in a Big-Brother stylie, because many of us are low-brow, immoral butt-sniffers and generally jealous sh*ts. Otherwise Big Brother and the tabloids wouldn't exist. Maybe we aren't so back. You know? I'm wondering whether the media are trying to make us all low-brow by presenting BBro in news reports. A bit of tit, a bit of scandal, a bit of pathos. maybe it's all scripted. how's that done, you ask?
If I were to receive the contract for making the script for the donation party,
this is how it would be done.
Read on:

Master of Ceremonies: Hey, everybody. Coming in now is Bob Coal. He owes, morally-speaking, a wack of money in taxes that he's managed to avoid through his coal mining business, offshore shell companies and kickbacks to politicians. We're talking a buck-twenty five. That's 1.25 billion to you and me. He's donating most of that today, or so he says.
(audience cheers)

(Coal smiles,a bit)
MC: That's him there in the new Armani suit and his wife, errr fiance, errrr arm candy, stepping out of their limo, in the new Versace with tear away velcro, for later on. oooh!

Audience: ooooh!

Or, you could fight for fairness in taxation. I know. Nobody's listening. Politics is a fix.

-Cos67 8^P
pics from

Colbert craps on Bush43 and journalists

Although journalism professors the world over may find that only an academic can analyse politics and the media. However, many years from now, they will have to admit that comedy, particularly the stuff below, will have been the pinnacle of public critique of the Bush43 administration and its courtiers (by that I mean Washington "journalists").

This is an old video, from 2006, I think. The Washington press corp dinner, where people get to lampoon the media and politicians at the same time. Colbert savaged everybody in the room.
If you see the video (below), the look on Bush's face is :

"Gitmo. Colbert. Gitmo. Colbert. Why am I thinking this? Oh, ya. Let's send Colbert to Gitmo. Must smile stupidly for the crowd."

Also, find the youtube where Bush's wife, his first line of defense, tells Colbert to "get f$^%&(&ed". I don't think the Roman gladiatorial fights were any bloodier. [Bush43 shat himself so bad that in 2007, he invited Rich Little who hasn't been funny in 2 decades.]

Here's a transcript:
[my comments- Cos67]
SUVs out front, could you please move them? They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof SUVs, and they need to get out.
Wow! Wow, what an honor! The White House Correspondents' dinner. To actually -- to sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper; that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight?[Cheney, who shot his "friend" in the face] Damn it! The one guy who could have helped.
By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail [spying is the norm, thank you very much].
Mark Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, my name is Stephen Colbert, and tonight it is my privilege to celebrate this president, ‘cause we're not so different, he and I. We both get it. Guys like us, we're not some brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut [Bush43 doctrine]. Right, sir?
That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut [where Bush43's brain is, when it's not up his butt]. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. Now, I know some of you are going to say, "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works.
Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone."[boot to the head for Fox] FOX News, I hold a copyright on that term.
I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America [That was Bush43 doctrine. "when all else failed to shut up the journalists, Bush43 said..."] I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states, and I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins [spin doctors!] that one tomorrow.
I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export [out the barrel of a gun, as any democrat would do.]. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit [our reliance on Chinese slave labour]. As a matter of fact, Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome. Your great country makes our Happy Meals possible [false respect from a sold-out nation]. I said it's a celebration.
I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq [unexpected but mild nose tweak].
I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible. I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical!
And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior. [Bush43's crusade against Gog, Magog and Eggnog]

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter.
Most of all, I believe in this president [here it comes]. Now, I know there are some polls out there saying that this man has a 32% approval rating [bitch slap]. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." [reverse psychology] And reality has a well-known liberal bias [the media is liberal]. So, Mr. President, please, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty [zing. One deflated gasbag]. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash [Even Bush's diehard fans are flotsam]. Okay.
Look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback [the great American story]. I mean, it's like the movie Rocky. Alright? The President, in this case, is Rocky Balboa [the metaphors are awesome. Let's observe.], and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case, I guess, would be the Vice President, he's yelling, "Cut me, Dick, cut me!" And every time he falls, everyone says, "Stay down, Rocky! Stay down!" But does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually loses [yup. uh-huh.] in the first movie. Okay, doesn't matter. Doesn’t matter.
The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face , so don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say that 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? [reverse psyche bitch slap.] Think about it. I haven't...

And I just like the guy. He's a good Joe, obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees [bitch slap]. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman [she bites]. But I just have one beef, ma'am. I'm sorry, but this reading initiative [first lady fluff. She should start with her husband]. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist, telling us what is or isn't true or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American! I'm with the President. Let history decide what did or did not happen [one of Bush43's best lines. "After the apocalypse, I will be vindicated."].
The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will [He's an inflexible idiot figurehead].
And as excited as I am to be here with the President, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of FOX News [off-the-radar rich-boy right-wing]. FOX News gives you both sides of every story: the President's side, and the Vice President's side [look no further, lazy journos].
But the rest of you, what are you thinking? Reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing [why not talk about a moviestar's drug habit, or sex habit. Now that's interesting, eh?]. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.
Over the last five years you people were so good, over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know [reverse -psyche slam dunk. I think Americans wanted to know!?], and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew. [ignorance is bliss. That's Big Media's motto.]
But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The President makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration? You know, fiction! [Bruce-Lee style kick to the nuts.]
Because, really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So, the White House has personnel changes. And then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring! If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg! [good, burning skies metaphor. Gog and magog. Bush43's favourite twins.]
Now, it's not all bad guys out there. There are some of the heroes out there tonight: Christopher Buckley, Jeff Sacks, Ken Burns, Bob Schieffer. I’ve interviewed all of them. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I appreciate it. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can just bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.
See who we've got here tonight. We’ve got General Moseley, Air Force Chief of Staff. We’ve got General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They still support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld. Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble:[Retired generals can complain about the president. Working generals would have become fired generals if they did likewise.] Don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni in that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you’re strong enough to stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle.[brave generals hiding behind their computers. Napoleon would piss on them.] Come on!

Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in just a little while. I had him on the show. It was a very interesting interview, very challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is. [Bush's environmental policy. "What? Me, worry? That's his only policy, actually]
Justice Scalia is here. Justice Scalia, may I be the first to say, “Welcome, sir!” You look fantastic! How are you? (He makes an obscene Italian gesture). Just talking some Sicilian with my paisan...
John McCain is here. John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There's no predicting him.[the fake maverick, so that people can be tricked into voting Republican again. I guess it didn't work.] By the way, Senator McCain, it's so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I’ve actually got a summer house in South Carolina. Look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light, sir.
Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center and a graham cracker crust of corruption. [run by whites, for whites. and corrupt. I wonder if bush43 realised that this was about him.]It's a Mallomar, I guess, is what I'm describing, is a Mallomar. It’s a seasonal cookie.

Joe Wilson is here. Joe Wilson, right down here in front, the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz. And, of course, he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god! Oh, what have I said? Ay, gee monetti! I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife “Joe Wilson's wife.”[the bush government's outing of a spy which is a treasonable offense. No charges laid. No problem.] Patrick Fitzgerald is not here tonight, right? Okay, dodged a bullet.
And, of course, we can't forget the man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name: "Snow Job." Toughest job. What a hero! Took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq. Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Big shoes to fill. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, of course, eager to retire, really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card's children.
Now, Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision so quickly, sir. I was vying for the job myself. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns. In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape, and with your indulgence, I'd like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.

Colbert v Bush?
Bush, thumbs down.
Colbert? high fives.

-Cos67 8^P

Wednesday, 3 June 2009

No rest for the wicked


We, and our politicians come from two different worlds. While they try to
lull us to sleep with
scandals that go nowhere and
plans "to improve X" that never happen,
they're up all night dreaming up
new ways to drain us dry or
how to set the wolves on us (i.e. the corporate world) to greatest effect.


Margaret Thatcher and Gordon Brown are amongst the elite of international leaders because they could do their work on about 4 hours of sleep. But, clinically, that's sleep deprivation. However, it does help explain their behaviour.

When I was young, I used to say 'sleep is for wimps', but obviously it's affected many powerful people's mental faculties.

If I were working on 4 hours of shut-eye every day, my soul would also be clambering to sacrifice some poor people, like those two politicians have done. Besides their body telling them "I need sleep," they'll be hearing the devil say "Drain them of their last tupence.""Maybe then they'll just die," and defenseless, the politician will agree, saying "I don't care if I go to Hell, I need sleep. Kill them. Pleeeaase!"
Night of the living dead :

or perhaps, like some rather lonely sci-fi fans say, politicians are morphing aliens and that's why they never seem to sleep:


our days:
Work like a dog
Go home
watch TV: see
-Scandal [scandals that never end, and never go anywhere.]

POLITICS anyone? 1) POLITICS=ISSUE RECYCLING! True political issues, like the delapidated state schools and hospitals come up at EVERY election, but nobody ever solves these problems. Or is that they don't solve them so that they'll have something to argue about at the elections, so that they can trick us into thinking that they actually care and are able to solve something, and

2) "Journalists" who never leave their offices and never ask any probing questions but are rife with person opinions and "some people say^..." bullsh*t stories.

12:00am, and all are asleep in front of the tv, totally emotionally and physically spent. Anyone have time for a discussion of politics? a revolution? for a change in their lives?


We're lucky if we manage to find time to scratch our own buttocks.

While we're dozing off, Brown says:

"Are they asleep yet? Yes? Okay, let's turn the screws, then, shall we?" "Hello? Hello?"

[Pic:Britain's cabinet, and Brown standing]

If we take the crisis mentality, fed to us by the media, to heart, we end up going nuts. That is such an imprecise term. Let me explain:

Some will not be able to function socially. See the Section section (UK) of the mental institutions, and the shiny new private jails opening soon, near you:

Some of us will become anti-social and start destroying and stealing, having long since lost touch with our morals. See the talk shows:

Some of us will lose our jobs due to the stress, and then some will come back for revenge. Watch the nightly news:

Some of us will just be looking for our own victims to bludgeon. Unfortunately, this kind of behaviour often starts at home, but now we've got financial collapse to add to the causes. There was a rich family in the news in 2008, where the father killed his whole family and burned the house rather than lose his BELONGINGS to the auctioneers. Talk about your crazy consumers, eh? Again, watch the news:

-Cos67 8^P