sex Haikus are catching on

[pic- paper shortage in Japan. Nerve.com]

As you can see from my Twit account, I'm a new convert to the joys of Haiku. I think it's Islamic philosophy that says something like, when everyone is constrained, then only true brilliance will shine. So, limiting yourself to a 5-3-5 or 7-5-7 syllable count is a way of getting rid of excess language and making you think hard. Below, haiku is being used to make fun of (U.S.) Republican sex scandals, of which there are many, it seems. This is fun for Democrats because the Republicans (GOP) spent years trying to get rid of President Billy Clinton of Arkansas because his aid, Monica, put the lip-lock on his peter and he risked impeachment for it because he left proof, in the form of spunk, on her dress.

from alternet:
Joshua Holland on GOP Sex scandal and Haiku technique

This is pretty funny -- the folks at TPM are asking readers to send them haiku based on their favorite GOP sex scandals. All good, clean holiday fun for the whole family.

Poetry's not my bag but I figured I'd give it the old college try. So, reaching for some low-hanging fruit, I came up with this:

Hot Summer toe-tap

Dull lay-over, need relief

Oh, no, officer

Have at it in the comments.

Update: there are certainly different forms of haiku (and you don't have to limit yourself -- they're doing limericks in the comments), but the traditional anglicized version is 3 lines, with 5 syllables, 7 syllables and 5 syllables respectively. And if you want to be a purist, try to work in a kigo, or seasonal reference.
--end of story
[dr copyright Mike Peters]

The joys of Haiku and the joys of sex
Banzai, xo tare'!

-Cos67 ~(%^D>

checkitout:
http://www.alternet.org/blogs/peek/144233/try_your_hand%3A_gop_sex_scandal_haiku!
http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/11/the_best_sex-scandal_haikus.php?ref=mblt

Guernica was used to support war

[pic- guernica ac-nancy-metz.fr]

The East London's Whitechapel Gallery became famous in 1939 for receiving a version of Picasso's Guernica (see video below), which was made to remind the world of the slaughter of innocent people in the Basque town of Gernica by Franco's Spanish fascists.
More recently, after the re-opening of the gallery this year, Goshka Macuga built an installation that looked like a Museum of Guernica's history. It's the first useful installation I've ever seen. They're usually monuments to ego and waste. But, this one included examples of the use of the printed word to incite violence, in the form of the purjury-laiden Case against Iraq which was read to the UN by Colon Powell. It's almost as dodgey as Tony Blair's plagiarised dosier.

Anyway, he/she put across the idea that Guernica was used by the local Communist party to get people to sign up to fight Franco. That may be true, but it seems that it could have also represented the general fight against fascism. It may have thus softened people up to go to war against Germany.

It seems odd how a piece of anti-war art ended up stoking the fires of armageddon.

Macuga's installation is called "the nature of the beast". I can see that this artist has understood how blood-thirsty people are. You tell them "don't kill" and they go off and kill.
That would seem to make sense to Slavoj Zizek, the philosopher. He has shown repeatedly how so much of what we try to do for our own good ends up being used to beat us over the head.
[pic- Guernica/ part. foothilltech.org]

The road to hell is paved with good intentions...and art.

-Cos67 ~(%^D>

animals out of time and place

[pic- the aggrieved tree]
[pic- the perpetrator]

The jailing of animals for ...acting naturally, is the next big reality show.
This is a simple story. Animals, which once ruled the wilds of Britain, are more typically found in wildlife parks, as was this beaver, Mrs B (an inmate at Paradise Wildlife Park in Broxbourne). She had the temerity to escape by digging through a pond.
To make matters worse, she attacked a golf course. The nerve! Will those animals never learn not to mess with OUR environment?

When it comes down to it, who cares?
even if you ask golfers, who can be bitches,
who cares if a beaver chews on a tree on a golf course?
Beavers gnaw on trees. Get over it!

Why is necessary to lock this animal up for acting naturally?

We musn't forget, beavers are a protected species. They're protected, in nature reserves; protected from US! We've taken their land and lifestyle. Wow! I just had an idea; we did the same to the antipodean and American aboriginals.

Watch how easily we consume the language of jail and criminality as they're applied to a wild animal. Our control over nature is getting just too anally-retentive.

Last question: How the hell did they recognise a missing beaver?
Oh...she's the only one.
CSI Hertfordshire was thinking
"Just wait. One day she'll chew on a tree, somebody will bitch and then we'll nab 'er."

Last comment: The cultural reference for the tired commuters reading Lite (now defunct) was the Caddyshack movie, a Shakespeare ouvre. In it, a rodent gofer bespoiled the pristine, anal, surroundings of ...yes, a golf course.

Advert: Come play a round at Anal-land golf course. We manicure nature, and drain the water table, so that you can play, without having to fear attack from animals, all you tired, cart-riding, brain-dead suburban managers skiving off work.

Moto: Golf, the game of intellectuals.
[pic- oklahomaprogressivevoice.org]

UPDATE:
This from the Scottish brethren of Mrs. B, the 10 hi-tech, chipped beavers wreaking havoc in the Highlands, from the Guardian
http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2009/dec/06/beavers-scotland-controversy-tim-adams

Return of the dammed

-Cos67 ~(%^D>
checkitout:
London Lite Nov 13, 2009 Ken Widdop Fore! Er no, gnaw! Beaver chews up golf course after escape from captivity

visit Tate Britain Gallery and the Turner Prize stuff

[see the twitter tweet on the right]

As you may be able to imagine, I like writing about stuff, but I've avoided art, because artists are usually up their own butts all day. Anyway, here goes:

Gilbert and George showed how it's possible to make art that is at once gay and very penile-centred. Shocking. They screw (literally) with religious symbolism, family trees, anything.
[pic- a less-racy Gilbert & George work]

JWM Turner's works are all over the place. He was kept quite busy. I noticed that many of his Thames scenes had animals, like deer, wandering around. When's the last time anyone saw an animal of any size wandering near the Thames? It brought up an idea I've been chewing over. Beyond the hunting and general me-ism of everybody that makes wild animals totally expendible (I'll do another story soon), we've taken away most of their habitat.
The worst of all these things we do is the dual carriage-way (you ever see any carriages? neigh.) or highway. It makes no allowances for animals that want to go from here to there by crossing the road. It's impossible.
I've always said the Brits have too many highways and they're always under construction.

There was a painting that was mostly black and it was called 'black painting'. Naughty boy.

There was a Rothco-type painting, honestly called 'lines of paint' or something. Accuracy. Well done, my son. It's like a dance choreographer who once admitted 'life cannot be represented in dance'. It's the same with abstract splotches of paint. It's just bullsh*t, with a label on it, and it only works if you've got some art critics in your pocket. The best mind f&*()k is the ones called "unnamed". The artist just couldn't keep a straight face when the gallery owner Saatchi was writing out a cheque for 2 million currency units. He forgets to christen his ouevre and says "Here. Take it, before you change your mind," thinking 'I gotta give a royalty cheque to my favourite art critics. I owe it all to them'. xD

There was an interesting brass & wood crib toy hanging from the ceiling.

There was some sticks of wood stuck in plexiglass.

The Turner Prize show surprised me. I'd seen past shows from afar and rejected the stuff as post-intelligent crap.
[pic-Tracey Emin.conquests without a bedpost]
This year, some stuff actually made sense to me, dumb sh*t that I am. Three out of the four of them actually approached reality with a refreshing perspective, instead of being about the internals of the artist's anus.
The big themes were temporariness, mortality, loss of control and re-use. The explanations actually helped a bit, as did a 3-minute video from each artist.
Enrico David talked about the weakness of language for expressing stuff, but he was pretty good with language, if too intellectual.
One big clash for me was intellect versus feeling. One of the artists was right up her own backside, talking about stuff that only she and her tutor understood. She made no attempt to reach out to people and was begging us "look at me, I'm a spectacle". Waste of time.
The other three had something that moved the occasional soular molecule and caused some synapses to fire.
[pic- Enrico David]

Altogether, it was a rather sexually-charged happening.
I was expecting some dead-ass recluses in black
wandering around, clearing their phlegm.

Actually, there were some excited nubile ladies there.
It seemed like a mating ritual
with the art being the Viagra.
Me being neurotic, all I did was think about it.

There were cards for displaying your thoughts and most of the wankers there were cheering on one of the artists. Goofy idiots.
You can also write a comment for the 'cloud' on their website, but the only words allowed were from a list. A big problem with validity! But I had cunning fun with it anyway and sent it to my Twitter (see tweet on the right and follow #TurnerPrize and see what the other twats wrote).
Alas, it wasn't a haiku, but WFT.

-Cos67 ~(%^D>

Remembrance Day. Queen serenades the troops

[pic-zimbio.com Remembrance of Empire Week, 2009]
Queens can do more than keep a stiff upper lip. They can sing.

you were expecting 'we are the champions'? Try again. It's been a while.

This song expresses the soldiers' desire to stop fighting stupid, pointless wars on behalf of BP and Shell. even if it means cross-dressing.

Failing that, here's another ditty:


The only thing that stopped the Empire-fest this past week was the occasional death of a soldier somewhere in Hell-man province. Those soldiers were the lucky ones. They got the Full Monty from the fawning media. Sainthood beckons.

Solemly now,
singit!

another one bites the dust. Hey! hey!

Why don't we just admit it to ourselves. We love causing death. We don't care if our government kills innocent people. It's such a powerful feeling when you know that you can rule other countries and spread chaos. It's like a religion where we play God, deciding who dies.
Imperialism. God is a bullet!

Flush forward. World goes down the crapper.

[One major mistake has brought the world one step away from economic meltdown.]

What if you could flash forward, like that new tv show on channel 5?
Imagine it was 1962.
The decision about whether GWBush should fight in Vietnam or defend Texas is in your hands.
What would you do if you could foresee that, by letting GWB43 battle the traffic in Texas instead of fighting the Vietcong, you were aiding in the destruction of the world?

What if the 2000-2008 presidency had never happened? Would we be in this kinda mess? I think not.
We're talking about a clan with its fingers in every pie. Check your fridge, man!
Oil, Saudi, Bin Ladens, Carlyle, banks, spying, stocks, masonry. The puppet strings were even clearer than in the Ronnie Reagan B-movie years (1980-88).
Ronnie: "I'm playing the president of a big country."
GWB43: "I'm in a big game, and I'm the head honcho. Now, watch this shot." Fore!
[pic- in mourning after 9-11]

Imagine, if little stupid rich boy had been sent to the jungles full of Agent Orange.
He'da been the only one looking for a Fanta.
He would have heard "Follow the Ho Chi Minh trail!"
and thought, "wow, we're goin' hiking."
He woulda thought the trap doors in the jungle were for taking a sh*t.

Because of his status, his Harvard and Yale studies, and his father's illustrious service record, GWB would have been made a Captain. He would have led his men repeatedly into ambushes, because he has about as much foresight as a fruit bat.

You see, he uses his gut for thinking, like a Jedi knight.
The surviving few of his platoon would have soon decided to shoot him dead.

[pic- mises.org, Neidermeyer character from Animal House, 'shot by his own men'.]
[pic- and Bush created democracy...in Abu Graib]
the moral of the story is,

don't mess with the space-time continuum.

Do what's right.
Don't let the rich guy get away with it.

Set up stupid rich guys and put them out of our misery,
even if it costs you your career or your life.
The future will thank you.

Otherwise, we'll all pay the price.
Think of it like Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
Except, you'll be offing the idiot.

How about the Socratic Method? Instead of lecturing,
I'll ask a question:
What the world be like now if Bush43 hadn't been president?
Your answer:
I rest my case.
Be excellent to each other (2 at a time).
Party on, dudes.

UPDATE: A new documentary with all the dirt on how the Family managed to get our Georgie-boy out of the line of fire. www.gregpalast.com "Bush Family Fortunes"

-Cos67 ~(%^D>
*by the way, Cheney was also a draft-dodger. No surprise there. Can't handle a gun; shot a guy's face off.
P.S. Bill and Ted, instead of being just another stupid kids' movie is actually brilliant in parts. The best part is the fact that Bill's dad married a girl who's near to Bill's age, if not a classmate. Bill's confused, and doesn't know whether to use her name (Missy!?), or call her 'mom', trying not be turned on. She's beautiful, and Ted teases Bill about it all the time, like when Bill's dad goes to shag his wife, on Bill's BED! It's an "excellent" twist on Freud's Oedipal syndrome.

"Shut-up, Ted!" Pfft-HAAA. LOL xD [look at 2:40-4:00]

parting shot
[dr copyright Mike Peters]

drug expert fired for shooting...straight

As a volunteer, Prof. Nutt (and those on his panel of experts) advised the UK government on issues regarding illegal drugs, so that they could make policy: what should be illegal, and what's just 'fun times with friends'

This guy decided to shoot straight from the hip and say that alcohol and smokes do more damage than most illegal drugs. Everybody with a reasonable brain sees that as true.
The only difference is that booze & fags are legal for those over 18.

Well, they certainly do damage, because Nutt lost his ''job."
To see what Nutt is talking about,

you only have to walk around popular areas on a weekend night here to see perfectly reasonable-looking adults falling down drunk. This doesn't happen in Canada at anywhere near the rate.
The impression most of us Canucks have is that, while we like our beers, a 30-year-old guy passed out in his own puke is pretty f^&**king sad, as is a woman squating to piss in the middle of the street. So, most of us don't do those sorts of things.
Unfortunately, they "pass" for culture in many sectors of society, over here.
The idea is to drink with friends to enjoy their company.

Drinking to get pissed is KID STUFF!

I thought at first that it was the paternalistic liquor laws (pubs closed at 10pm) that meant everybody was in a hurry to get pissed up. So, at closing time, the streets were awash with incoherent people when the night hadn't barely started.
A couple of years ago, Tony Blair decided to go for 24-hour liquor licenses. I thought, 24-hours is a bit silly, unless you want to improve graveyard-shift employment in the seedy underbelly of large cities.
Nevertheless, I was convinced it would at least cause people

to pace themselves,
even if it took people 6 months
and an NVQ in 'Whoa, Nelly' to learn to do so.

Problem, over here!

Brits, despite their efforts to throw off their
tight-arsedness of the past,
are so insecure, paranoid, skittish and otherwise
nervous like a cat on a beach ball,

they need about three pints of Bitters/Ale/WKD
to become something recognisable to me as humanoid. The transformation is astounding. I greatly prefer to talk to them after 3 those beers, when they're relaxed and jovial.

To their credit, most of them know this, but still don't know what to do about it.

UPDATE: If you look up the advisors' report, you'll discover what I think is the real reason why the government created the crisis which got rid of the Prof. Tobacco, which kills thousands each year, has been treated lightly for such a deadly product. It results in cancer, emphezema and other stuff, it is horribly habit-forming and full of deadly chemical additives. Of course it's also a big economic lobby. So, when Nutt placed it in class B, I imagine that lobby shat its proverbial pants and called up the appropriate minister and asked for Nutt to be canned lest there be a clamouring for more fines on the cancer-stick merchants.
My conclusion: Your government doesn't care about your health when there's money to be made by their rich friends. The fact that smokes're still on sale is proof enuff.
[pic- chart, taken from Guardian]

-Cos67 ~(%^D>

p.s. See my old story on the sordid situation of tobacco: "Toke on this"

super-collidering part 2 The Iraqi Code

[underr construction]

[pics- the Cern collider]
This is another experiment in super-collidering where two abstract concepts or objects face off to see who will be king sh*t.

case study 2:

sadam hussein vs. tony blair & geo.bush43